Date Night

We had date night Friday. It was a much needed break from entertaining the baby and trying to figure out how the aliens body snatched Graham when I wasn't looking.

We're going to try make a night out regular. Should be easy enough as long as Ben's spell over Grandma lasts.

Starting to consider job options now. My maternity leave will expire at the end of June. I have a few different ideas I'm trying to flesh out though none are as appealing as staying home full time. We are accepting all donations.

Aunties and kisses

Now that its been 3 months since Ben's arrival we're over the adjustment hump and have figured out his sensitive tum-tum he is a completely different baby. He's so easy to take care of and acquiring new skills faster than a speeding bullet.

Aunt Shannon got to see his first purposeful grabs at dangling toys while she was here last week. We were really glad to see her and happy that she had a chance to bond with Ben. I think she is almost as in love with him as we are.

In other new developments Ben is rolling over and laughing (no causal relationship and not at the same time although that would be really cute). By the look on his face I think the roll over came as a big surprise which did cause Graham and I laugh pretty hard. We heard him laugh a couple of weeks ago while we were playing mommies-going-to-steal-your-sugar (Ben's favorite game) though I would describe the sound as more of a gurgle. When we're playing that game I can tell he anticipates me tickling his neck by the way he scrunches his shoulder and smiles when I move in for a kiss. It really is so cute how social he is becoming. Even Graham said the other day, "I like him now."

Speaking of laughter, we sure could use more of it around here. Between the sleepless nights with Ben and Graham's adolescent antics it is enough to make a mama lose her mind up in here. I guess with 2 kids a person is twice as likely to have a pain in the ass.

On the plus side those two are starting to entertain each other. Graham was giving a private concert for Ben the other day while I was busy and both were content for quite a while. Graham thinks he's a rockstar and Ben plys the part of the adoring fan the way he gazes into your face so its reallky a match made in heaven. The family dynamics aren't playing out as expected but we are finally settling in to our new sitch. Just in time for another change when Graham goes away for summer...

Grandmama's visit

We've had a busy past few weeks here. Grandmama Ruby came to visit us in early March. The weather was great during her visit so we got to spend lots of time outdoors. Which was lucky since fussy Ben enters a zen-like state (almost) anytime we take him outside. We made the rounds to our favorite hiking spot and of course Maclay Gardens which was in full bloom. Graham was also on best behavior. He and Ruby cooked together and made a fabulous meal while I was out shopping and Sean was baby sitting one afternoon. Man, that was nice. Ruby, when are you coming back?!

Graham traveled to IL for spring break. He flew alone and did beautifully despite a delay and a gate change on the way home. I was sad we couldn't take our annual family trip this year but he had fun with Aunt D and fam going to chi-town, farm king, etc. :).

In other Ben news, I switched Ben to soy formula and also cut dairy out of my diet for a few weeks on a hunch that he had a sensitivity to lactose. I'm happy to report that he's doing much better now. When I reintroduced it to my diet and the fussiness and frequent spitting up came back so I'm still not eating any dairy except for a splash of cream in my coffee. I just couldn't give that up. I didn't realize how much dairy I ate until I cut it out. Oh how I miss cheese.

Ben had his 2 month check up yesterday. He weighs in at a big 11 1/2 pounds now. The doc said he looks great. He also had his first round of immunizations. He was such a big boy for his shots that I think it hurt the nurses worse to give them. He slept most of the afternoon yesterday and he has wanted to be held all day today so I know he isn't feeling very good though.

In addition to recuping I'm sure he's resting up for Grandmama's visit tomorrow. The plan was to get the shots Monday so that Ben is all better by Wednesday. We'll see how it goes.

We are all very excited but Sean especially can't wait to introduce Ben to Ruby.

We went hiking with the baby last weekend. He really likes being outdoors.

We forgot the camera which was okay because Ben slept the entire time anyway. Sean put him the Bjorn (which rocks by the way. I use it all the time, cooking, walking round the hood, etc. Thanks Shan) and the baby was so relaxed he went right to sleep. It was almost like Sean and I were alone except it wasn't because we both kept fretting over whether or not the sun was on his head the whole time we were on the trail.

Bath time with Ben

Ben had his first real bath last week. The pic was taken right after he was done. Though you couldn't tell by how peaceful he looks he did scream the entire time. I'm not sure if it was the bath or the screaming that put him to sleep. He does look like a little (balding) angel though.

A few days later after that meltdown Sean and I put him in the bath with me and he LOVED it. He was so excited he went tee-tee right there in the water. So now bath time with Ben is one of the highlights of the day instead of a scream fest.

On the breastfeeding front, things are pretty much the same. Still waiting for the domperidone prescription to arrive from overseas (long story and a whole other post). In the meantime Ben has been getting fussy at the breast. He gets the formula so much faster from the bottle that I can't compete. I try to nurse before he gets really hungry or when he's sleepy to stimulate the milk production. On our good days we also use the SNS which isn't so bad when I'm using it every time he feeds. I'm finding the balance between feeding him exclusively at my breast (with the SNS) and keeping my sanity.

We still experimenting with different formula. The Similac Organic formula made him constipated. It was utterly pitiful. I've been researching other organic brands on line but unfortunately they only come by the case. I'm looking for a way to get samples or at least one can. In the meantime the kind we're using now has immune system builders similar to what is found in breast milk. Thank god for modern science.

the mouth breather

No that isn't our pet turtle. Its Ben mouth breathing while he sleeps. Looks like he's going to be the drooly kid at the sleepover in a few years. The kid who has to bring his own pillow and gets a mouthful of toothpaste. Luckily, there's still time to break the habit.

Face Time

Ben is revealing more of his personality to me everyday. He loves to stare at our faces and is starting to mimic our expressions. Yesterday he smiled. It wasn't gas! Probably more like an imitation of the stupid grin we have on our faces every time we look at him but who the hell cares. HE SMILED! His sweet baby coos really are too much. They melt me down every time I hear him.

I'm going to try to take some video and post it up so stay tuned.

I'm still struggling with my low milk supply. I made the stupid mistake of reading the ingredient list on the formula bottle and had a mini melt down in the supermarket but for the most part I've gotten used to the idea of supplementing with it. My last ditch effort to increase my supply is a pharmacutical called Domperidone. Only trace amounts enter my breast milk and the side effects are very mild. I'll keep you posted. In the meantime, the baby is still gaining weight and more beautiful everyday. I can't wait for you guys to meet him.

Update

The last few weeks have been emotionally and physically draining. Ben's has been losing too much weight. I thought it was just his little body getting used to life on the outside mama's womb but after about a week he had lost enough weight that the doc told me to supplement with formula. Heartbreaking. I reluctantly did give him a bottle but I'm still committed to making the breastfeeding relationship work.

After some trial and error I discovered and have been using the supplement nursing system. The effects of using the "SNS" are supposed to be twofold, 1. baby gets the calories he needs with the formula supplement and 2. he stimulates my breast to make more milk. It is the best solution I could find but still not perfect. The system is difficult to use and takes some practice. We both get frustrated before it is positioned just right. The formula prep and cleaning of the system after each use is cumbersome. I also occasionally pump when I can and use what I extract to supplement instead of using formula. Ben's health has improved but I'm still waiting for the mild supply to increase. It has been discouraging at times but I'm sticking with it for at least another week and hope to see some results.

I'm still not sure if the problem is with my milk production, i.e. hormones etc., or if the signals aren't being sent to my body to make more because my sleepy baby doesn't take enough to empty my breast and fill his tummy. I am taking an herbal to boost my supply and eating lost of oatmeal and almonds just in case.

I feel a profound sense of loss at not being able to breastfeed my baby exclusively. I found a website which was created by women who were also devastated at not being able to breastfeed. Their stories and how they coped is a small comfort.
Here's a link to the site http://www.mobimotherhood.org/MM/article-LMS.aspx.

Today I'm trying to focus on the positives of which there are many. I have a beautiful baby boy. He is getting at least half of his nutrition from my milk. Most of all I'm doing the best I can for my baby. I'm also trying to be more flexible about my idea of a breastfeeding relationship. It isn't an all or nothing deal.

Now that things are settling here I will try to update more frequently. In the meantime, Ben is adorable and a pretty laid back baby. I think he inherited Sean's cool disposition as I hoped he would. Check out the pic in the new slideshow of Ben and Sean enjoying their favorite past times together. ;)

He's here!

Ben made his big debut a week ago today. So far things couldn't be going any better at the Millard/Brown house.

My labor and delivery were faster and easier than I expected. I labored most of the time at home and only spent 3 hours at the hospital before big Ben was born. The mental preparation leading up to the big day really paid off for me and I was able to deliver naturally and, by accident, in the water. I think the water birth made the whole experience better than I could have imagined it. My contractions were less intense and I had less physical trauma "down there" because of it. I highly recommend it.

You guys would be so proud of Sean. He was an awesome labor support and was a comfort to me by staying close during and after delivery. He's been doing everything for me since we've been home, preparing food, doing laundry, going to the supermarket, helping me with the baby etc., and somehow finding a way to spend extra time with Graham while I'm busy with the baby.

Then there's the baby. Ahhhh. I don't know if I've ever been so in love. He is perfect sixth finger and all. :) We've spent most of our days in bed laying around since we got home. He's an excellent nurser and very alert. And he smells so good! I'm not sure if you can tell from the pictures Sean sent but he looks just like him. He's got the Millard nose and Sean's pointy five head (You know what I'm talking about Shan). He's even got Sean's hairline. We're hoping that receding hair line will fill in :). The only physical attributes of mine we can see are his big hands and feet.

We learned at his check up that he's gaining weight and over all health is good. So good in fact that the Doc didn't want to see us again for a month. By then it will be time to start his immunizations and birth chart. I'll keep you guys posted on that.

In the meantime, enjoy the slideshow.

Happy New Year

I hope you guys had a good new year. We went to dinner at a very tradition french restaurant called Chez Pierre. Its kind of tired but its a local landmark and we thought it would be nice for Graham. Sean and I barely made it to midnight. I think Graham passed out around 11:30. We did toast to the new year with 7-up before he fell asleep. Sean and I stayed up just long enough for a new year's kiss then passed out ourselves.

Sean is all geared up for the USC game today. I know he's going to get on the phone with Richie to talk football and he will be so loud that I won't be able to escape it anywhere in the house. Graham and I will probably go to the movies.

Still no signs of labor yet. I really messed up by expecting Ben early. We're all anxious for him to get here. Sean just said this morning, "Honey, I want that boy out!".

I'll keep you posted.