We went hiking with the baby last weekend. He really likes being outdoors.

We forgot the camera which was okay because Ben slept the entire time anyway. Sean put him the Bjorn (which rocks by the way. I use it all the time, cooking, walking round the hood, etc. Thanks Shan) and the baby was so relaxed he went right to sleep. It was almost like Sean and I were alone except it wasn't because we both kept fretting over whether or not the sun was on his head the whole time we were on the trail.

Bath time with Ben

Ben had his first real bath last week. The pic was taken right after he was done. Though you couldn't tell by how peaceful he looks he did scream the entire time. I'm not sure if it was the bath or the screaming that put him to sleep. He does look like a little (balding) angel though.

A few days later after that meltdown Sean and I put him in the bath with me and he LOVED it. He was so excited he went tee-tee right there in the water. So now bath time with Ben is one of the highlights of the day instead of a scream fest.

On the breastfeeding front, things are pretty much the same. Still waiting for the domperidone prescription to arrive from overseas (long story and a whole other post). In the meantime Ben has been getting fussy at the breast. He gets the formula so much faster from the bottle that I can't compete. I try to nurse before he gets really hungry or when he's sleepy to stimulate the milk production. On our good days we also use the SNS which isn't so bad when I'm using it every time he feeds. I'm finding the balance between feeding him exclusively at my breast (with the SNS) and keeping my sanity.

We still experimenting with different formula. The Similac Organic formula made him constipated. It was utterly pitiful. I've been researching other organic brands on line but unfortunately they only come by the case. I'm looking for a way to get samples or at least one can. In the meantime the kind we're using now has immune system builders similar to what is found in breast milk. Thank god for modern science.

the mouth breather

No that isn't our pet turtle. Its Ben mouth breathing while he sleeps. Looks like he's going to be the drooly kid at the sleepover in a few years. The kid who has to bring his own pillow and gets a mouthful of toothpaste. Luckily, there's still time to break the habit.

Face Time

Ben is revealing more of his personality to me everyday. He loves to stare at our faces and is starting to mimic our expressions. Yesterday he smiled. It wasn't gas! Probably more like an imitation of the stupid grin we have on our faces every time we look at him but who the hell cares. HE SMILED! His sweet baby coos really are too much. They melt me down every time I hear him.

I'm going to try to take some video and post it up so stay tuned.

I'm still struggling with my low milk supply. I made the stupid mistake of reading the ingredient list on the formula bottle and had a mini melt down in the supermarket but for the most part I've gotten used to the idea of supplementing with it. My last ditch effort to increase my supply is a pharmacutical called Domperidone. Only trace amounts enter my breast milk and the side effects are very mild. I'll keep you posted. In the meantime, the baby is still gaining weight and more beautiful everyday. I can't wait for you guys to meet him.

Update

The last few weeks have been emotionally and physically draining. Ben's has been losing too much weight. I thought it was just his little body getting used to life on the outside mama's womb but after about a week he had lost enough weight that the doc told me to supplement with formula. Heartbreaking. I reluctantly did give him a bottle but I'm still committed to making the breastfeeding relationship work.

After some trial and error I discovered and have been using the supplement nursing system. The effects of using the "SNS" are supposed to be twofold, 1. baby gets the calories he needs with the formula supplement and 2. he stimulates my breast to make more milk. It is the best solution I could find but still not perfect. The system is difficult to use and takes some practice. We both get frustrated before it is positioned just right. The formula prep and cleaning of the system after each use is cumbersome. I also occasionally pump when I can and use what I extract to supplement instead of using formula. Ben's health has improved but I'm still waiting for the mild supply to increase. It has been discouraging at times but I'm sticking with it for at least another week and hope to see some results.

I'm still not sure if the problem is with my milk production, i.e. hormones etc., or if the signals aren't being sent to my body to make more because my sleepy baby doesn't take enough to empty my breast and fill his tummy. I am taking an herbal to boost my supply and eating lost of oatmeal and almonds just in case.

I feel a profound sense of loss at not being able to breastfeed my baby exclusively. I found a website which was created by women who were also devastated at not being able to breastfeed. Their stories and how they coped is a small comfort.
Here's a link to the site http://www.mobimotherhood.org/MM/article-LMS.aspx.

Today I'm trying to focus on the positives of which there are many. I have a beautiful baby boy. He is getting at least half of his nutrition from my milk. Most of all I'm doing the best I can for my baby. I'm also trying to be more flexible about my idea of a breastfeeding relationship. It isn't an all or nothing deal.

Now that things are settling here I will try to update more frequently. In the meantime, Ben is adorable and a pretty laid back baby. I think he inherited Sean's cool disposition as I hoped he would. Check out the pic in the new slideshow of Ben and Sean enjoying their favorite past times together. ;)