Update

The last few weeks have been emotionally and physically draining. Ben's has been losing too much weight. I thought it was just his little body getting used to life on the outside mama's womb but after about a week he had lost enough weight that the doc told me to supplement with formula. Heartbreaking. I reluctantly did give him a bottle but I'm still committed to making the breastfeeding relationship work.

After some trial and error I discovered and have been using the supplement nursing system. The effects of using the "SNS" are supposed to be twofold, 1. baby gets the calories he needs with the formula supplement and 2. he stimulates my breast to make more milk. It is the best solution I could find but still not perfect. The system is difficult to use and takes some practice. We both get frustrated before it is positioned just right. The formula prep and cleaning of the system after each use is cumbersome. I also occasionally pump when I can and use what I extract to supplement instead of using formula. Ben's health has improved but I'm still waiting for the mild supply to increase. It has been discouraging at times but I'm sticking with it for at least another week and hope to see some results.

I'm still not sure if the problem is with my milk production, i.e. hormones etc., or if the signals aren't being sent to my body to make more because my sleepy baby doesn't take enough to empty my breast and fill his tummy. I am taking an herbal to boost my supply and eating lost of oatmeal and almonds just in case.

I feel a profound sense of loss at not being able to breastfeed my baby exclusively. I found a website which was created by women who were also devastated at not being able to breastfeed. Their stories and how they coped is a small comfort.
Here's a link to the site http://www.mobimotherhood.org/MM/article-LMS.aspx.

Today I'm trying to focus on the positives of which there are many. I have a beautiful baby boy. He is getting at least half of his nutrition from my milk. Most of all I'm doing the best I can for my baby. I'm also trying to be more flexible about my idea of a breastfeeding relationship. It isn't an all or nothing deal.

Now that things are settling here I will try to update more frequently. In the meantime, Ben is adorable and a pretty laid back baby. I think he inherited Sean's cool disposition as I hoped he would. Check out the pic in the new slideshow of Ben and Sean enjoying their favorite past times together. ;)